**** you

Now. What did you THINK I said?

It's all about perception. Just because I put asterisks there instead of typing out the actual word, you'd assume it was a four letter cuss word. Aha. Gotcha there.

What if I meant to say something else? For instance, "hate you" or "want you" or "need you" or even "LOVE you"?

You wouldn't have expected that, would you?

We make things out to be as we think. But they may not very well be.

The Song You Didn't Sing

If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away

-from Bread's If

If You Discovered This Spot

Could you please own up?

I was careless once. So maybe some of you DO know about this little hiding ranting place of mine. Well, if you do, please could you just let me know?

So I can have a good reason to release my pent-up frustrations on a real person rather than here on a highly unvisited unnoticed unknown corner of the Internet.

So It Goes

That you love every other place but here. And why is that?

The traffic is a pain. The leaders are untrustable. Everywhere else is doing better financially. The government is corrupt. There is undue biasness in society. Things are second class. Working hours are too long, pay is not lucrative enough, social benefits are meagre, children get a lower grade education. Important things are jacked up in prices way too much. Public transport is lousy. The community is uncaring. Crime rate is climbing. Opportunities of success are bleak. Houses are too small. The air is hazy. We do too many direct copycat efforts of overseas television programs.
Everyone else is leaving.

Like I told someone once, if you choose the easy way out by leaving, you solve your problems, no doubt. But you don't solve everyone else's. And if everyone thinks the same way, then we only bring things down further.

Stand and say you will be here. That your heart beats with loyalty. Pride. Hope. That your hands are ready to be put to work, and your mind ever determined that you will let the renown be channelled here and NOT elsewhere. Right here.

God put us here for a specific purpose. Do you not think that perhaps you are foregoing yours?

Typical Typical

There are things you see take place around you at times that you vow to yourself you will not allow to happen when it's in your control. When it's your turn.

Tonight I am reminded of such things. And although I can't say it won't happen when it depends on me to determine how it'll go, I'll try my level best to be considerate and compassionate. To remember what it's like.

Because most times people forget. I admit I do too, but I've been on the receiving end of the pain too many times to allow myself to forget...

When and if it EVER comes around, I hope to NOT:

1. Post up pictures about it on Friendster
2. Publicise it to the whole world that it's happened to me and that I am ever so blessed and that it's so wonderful and everything's pure bliss
3. Ignore everyone else just because I've got guranteed company
4. Fail to shut up about how there's hope for the one lacking, and that 'oh, don't worry your time will come' (as if I can tell what their future's going be like)
   
5. Grin from ear to ear so that even when I don't talk about it everyone can just about guess what it's about
6. Talk non-stop about that one person
7. Turn all mushy and extra nice and soft and suddenly at a state of [faked and temporary] peace with the rest of the world
8. Talk long on the phone when I know the person who happens to be with me knows what it's all about and it'd rub it in unnecessarily to ignore them
9. Forget to look into the here and now, and get caught up in my own true fantasy-reality
10. Mention "my *********" or "my **" or "my ******" in every other sentence
11. Pretend like it's just another ordinary when it's obvious it's not
12. Publish blog posts about it and make long and numerous dedications
13. Spill my happiness onto people for whom no promise of happiness can be made
14. To forget that not everyone is on cloud 9 though I might be
    

Oh my dear dear friends, I am indeed happy for you. It's just I feel like something's not fair somewhere. No one's to blame. It's not like any of you could do anything for me.

And I'm thinking maybe I may never need to check myself on the above list. Because maybe I may never be in that same position as you. Maybe I'll always be there on the outside looking in, and because nobody else feels the lack, the same old typical things will just keep repeating themselves and sticking right up in my face.

And yeah. I wish you well if you are blessed enough to be spared from being on this side of never.

Believe Me, I Tried

But it won't go away. Tell me what should I do. Do something for me. Make me better. Make me feel like I am indeed wanted. Say that something's changed. That there will be comfort. Erase what was before with new memories of pleasant things. Of promises. Of hope. Stay. Say it was all a crazy unreal nightmare and that I can wake up to something good and lasting and beautiful. Tell me I did the right thing. That it was worthwhile. That nothing's ever wasted and that love can save the day. That there are no endings if we don't give in, and no beginnings if we are not brave enough. Take my hand. Walk with me. Need me. Find a place for me. Pray for me. Look for me. Tell me for certain that God will save a happily ever after for me, somehow.