It's just for the sheer fact that it's so frustrating to be human. To be fallible. To get up every morning with hopes of going through the day without making any mistakes. Only to mindlessly let one careless word/action slip out into the atmosphere just a few moments later. Then before long, it all gets out of hand, and thereafter what's left to do but to be ashamed once again at the inability to do things right.
And so the endless list of regrets reels on and on, tormenting the mind to no end. And the hurts inflicted on the innocent all around, those who did truly love and care for you, grows with each additional breath you take.
I am not one to believe in suicide. But sometimes I think I cannot blame those who resort to it. For it seems quite apparent that living as a human being is a rather hopeless cause. What do we hope to achieve? What can we achieve, when all successes we attain are marred by our imperfections aplenty?
Undoubtedly, having people who are understanding and accept you for who you are numbs the pain of failure and disappointments with yourself. Yet it doesn't change the fact that history will repeat itself, as surely as the sun rises and sets each day.
It's pretty much a lie to say to anyone, "I love you just the way you are" or "don't change a single thing [about the way you are]". Because if ever it is said, and if it were indeed heartfelt, then the truth of the matter is we probably don't know the person whom it was said to well enough. There are too many flaws in all of us combined than can be contained in this world.
Perhaps it's better to be an animal. To just be who you are, yet knowing that your very instinctive behaviour fits so perfectly with who God has made you to be. To be secure that hunting for food, caring for your young, mating, sleeping, eating, playing and dying are all that there is to your lot in life. To live without qualms of what will happen to your surroundings, or worrying about what the next day will bring. To be as dull in the head as you can be as far as intelligence and reasoning is concerned, yet perfectly content.
Or perhaps it's even better to be a plant, or tree, or flower. To have but a short lifespan, yet to grace the Earth with your beauty. Never to be blamed for any wrongdoing, living in perfect harmony with your surroundings. Dependent on the weather and ideal living conditions, yet knowing if you indeed did die, that it would be a noble giving back to nature what it has blessed you with. For in your death, you would bring added fertility to the soil, and pave the way for the next generation of greenery to grow to take your place.
But human I am. And human I remain, for that is what God has decided that I should be. But certainly I cannot just be. For if I lived by my natural inclinations, I would tend towards self-centredness, which eventually leads to my ruin. How can any of us get it right, since none have before, and most certainly none ever will?
...what is man that You are mindful of him,
the son of man that You care for him?- Psalm 8:4
No comments:
Post a Comment