It has bothered me for quite awhile now, why there is a tendency in us to want to rush someone to grow up.
What I mean by this is how adults are expecting kids to learn in a hurry how to be independent. Of course, I'm not saying here that kids shouldn't mature when they should, nor am I saying that they should cling to their parents right through their adolescent years or something of that sort.
What I am saying is why we consider it such a good thing that a kid can go out on their own, manage their own food and affairs without a hunger for family, a need for communal activity. Are we not by the very way we bring them up, teaching them at an early age to become individualistic?
We should be careful that what we label "independent" is not in actual fact "individualism".
What's so great about the fact that a kid can do so many things by themselves that we should shower so much praise and admiration on such kids as these? What about those who constantly need help from others, and make no pretenses about it? Are they any less capable just because they aren't as independent? Undoubtedly, kids need to learn to do things for themselves at some point in time, and that will come about in its proper time and place and should be taught to them by their parents. The kid him/herself may even ask to be taught how to do certain things by themselves, even. But what I find unreasonable is when parents hurry their children to learn independence.
Yes, of course it's less hassle in parenting there onwards, but then don't come complaining a couple of years down the line when you find your children totally disregard you and avoid relating to you. Didn't it cross your mind that perhaps your teaching them to "do it yourself" too early in life (just to be rid of having to mind them all the time) might very well be the cause for their lack of affection for you?
Don't you go making like it's some kind of high level virtue when your kid can be independent in doing things. Praising them and rewarding them isn't really wrong, it's just the emphasis on it in the light of other more important things that a child should master.
Independence isn't everything.
In fact, the older we get, we'll find increasingly that interdependence is the better way to go. Good examples of this are the interdependencies found in romantic relationships, family connections and even at the workplace, in terms of team-based projects.
Yes, everyone needs to know how to survive and thrive regardless of the absence of others. But everyone also needs to know how to do both these things when they are surrounded by the people as well.
Cultivating independence in children without an equal effort to educate them on the need of interdependency is a fatal flaw in parenting, I believe.
Perhaps we should re-examine how the next generation is being raised right now. Are we doing it right? The process of learning independence should not be rushed for kids. After all, what we want is a selfless, civic conscious society who are mindful of the needs of others in every way, is it not?
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